Drink a glass of cold water. It gives you a chance to cool down and re-focus.
It's not your kids' fault if you've had a hard day...
Often anger feels like it takes us by surprise. But there are lots of physical signs that anger is building up. If you recognise when you’re starting to get angry you can begin to calm yourself down. Early warning signs include:
You can calm yourself down quickly using these simple steps:.
When you’re feeling wound up, it’s a sign that you need to take action. Here are some tension-busters that have worked for other parents.
Nobody’s perfect – and most of us have had times when we snapped or lashed out at our kids. When you do, it’s important to say you’re sorry and talk about how you both can do better next time. This doesn’t mean you’re weak. It teaches your kids that no one behaves perfectly all the time, not even mum or dad. But that we all need to take responsibility for our own behaviour.
Everyday life can be very stressful for parents. What’s really making you angry often has little to do with the way your kids are behaving. Actively managing your own stress levels and knowing your triggers can help you to deal with your anger better, so you don’t fall into the trap of taking it out on the kids. Common anger triggers include:
Do any of these sound familiar? What about you, what are your anger triggers? Is there anything you could change or deal with better?
If you’re regularly losing it with your kids, it’s a sign that you might need some outside help. Yelling and swearing at them every day is not OK - for them or for you. Emotional abuse might not leave bruises but it still damages kids, and can lead to a range of issues in later life.
You might feel embarrassed, but remember it is OK to ask for help.
Talk to someone you trust, a family member or friend, your doctor or maybe try one of these helplines.
Are You Ok 0800 456 450
Skylight 0800 299 100
PlunketLine 0800 933 922
Lifeline: 0800 543 354
Parent Help 0800 568 856
Parent2Parent- 0508 236236 (support for parents of children with special needs)
Depression – 0800 111 757
Citizens Advice Bureau 0800 367 222
Angry kids can often become angry adults. So it’s really important to help them learn how to handle their feelings, especially the scary or angry ones. Here are some tips to try:
Teasing might seem like fun but kids don’t always see it that way. Embarrassing or shaming kids, or letting them do it to each other is a form of bullying. It damages their self-esteem, increases anger and makes it more likely that they will bully others. Make your home a ‘no shaming’ zone.